Funny Lines From the National Lampoons Christmas Vacation

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

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Equally the holiday season approaches, there'southward no better way to get into the yuletide spirit than by watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, oh, roughly 2 to three times a week. It's a heartwarming tale of a man who just wants to create the perfect Christmas for his family—just to be thwarted at every turn by wonky lights, hillbilly cousins, and an extremely dry out turkey. But Clark Griswold's (aka Chevy Chase) sense of sense of humor carries him through it. It's an all-besides-relatable case of Spud's Police, and it'll become you through the grin-and-bear-it moments during those weeks between Thanksgiving and New year's day's better than a shot of cousin Eddie's eggnog (though that certainly could help!).

These are, without a doubt, the best 1-liners—and okay, ii- to three-liners—from the movie. Quote them at your next vacation party, needlepoint them on a pillow, and make them your new become-through-the-season mantras.

45. "Clark, terminate it. I don't desire to spend the holidays dead." — Ellen Griswold

44. Audrey Griswold: "He worked actually difficult Gramps." Ellen's dad: "So do washing machines."

43. "She'll see it later dear, her eyes are frozen shut." — Ellen

42. "It'south a one-yr membership to the Jelly of the Month Lodge." — Clark Griswold

41. "Take a expect around you, Ellen! Nosotros're at the threshold of hell!" — Clark

forty. "Your grandma's got a real painful bur on her heel. If you rub it for me, I'll give you a whole quarter." — Grandma Griswold

39. "Would it exist indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?" — Audrey

38. "It's not going in our yard, Russ. Information technology's going in our living room." — Clark

37. "You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant." — Uncle Lewis

36. "Dad, yous taught me everything I know about outside illumination." — Clark

35. "I'm sorry, this is our family's first kidnapping." — Ellen

34. "Is it plugged in?" — Ellen

33. "Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where'south the Tylenol?" — Clark

32. "If that thing had ix lives, she simply spent 'em all." — Cousin Eddie

31. "What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?" — Grandpa Art

thirty. "I was just looking at something for my wife, God residue her soul." — Clark

29. "Wouldn't exist the holiday shopping season if the stores weren't hooter than they—hotter than they are." — Clark

28. "Aye, it's a bit nipply out, I mean nippy out." — Clark

27. "Consume my road grit, Liver Lips!" — Clark

26. *sips eggnog* "It's good. It'due south good." — Clark

25. "Clark, Audrey'southward frozen from the waist down." — Ellen

24. "And why is the carpet all moisture, Todddddd?" — Margo Chester (aka ~~Elaine~~ Julia Louis-Dreyfus as the Griswolds' very annoyed and distraught neighbor... and can yous blame her?)

23. Todd Chester: "Hey Griswold, where practice you think you're gonna put a tree that big?" Clark: "Bend over and I'll prove you."

22. "If you want to come in you'll accept to break down the goddamn door!" — Margo

21. "I don't know what to say, just it'due south Christmas and we're all in misery." — Ellen

20. "I hope nobody I know drives past and sees me standing in the one thousand staring at the house in my pajamas." — Audrey

19. "You meliorate take a rain bank check on that, Art—he's got a lip fungus they ain't identified nonetheless." — Cousin Eddie

18. "When Santa squeezes his fat white ass downwardly that chimney tonight, he'due south gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!" — Clark

17. "Oh, the silent majesty of a wintertime'south forenoon, the clean, absurd chill of the holiday air, and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer." — Clark

16. Clark: "Where'south Eddie? He usually eats these things."
Catherine, Eddie'due south married woman: "Oh, non recently. He read that squirrels are loftier in cholesterol."

15. "I'm gonna catch it in a coat, and smack it with a hammer!" — Clark

fourteen. "Welcome to our abode—what'south left of it." — Ellen

13. "Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get yous something to eat? Drive you out to the center of nowhere and go out you lot for expressionless?" — Clark

12. "You only march over there and slug that pitter-patter in the confront." — Margo

11. "Oh, he's just yakkin' on a os." — Cousin Eddie

10. "I honey it here. You don't gotta put on your glaze to get to the bathroom, and your house is e'er parked in the same place!" — Ruby Sue

9. "Whoa, geez! Look at the time. I gotta get to bed—and castor my teeth, feed the hog, exercise the laundry, wash the car, nonetheless got some homework to do." — Rusty Griswold

8. "Where practise you lot think you're going? Nobody'southward leaving. Nobody'due south walking out on this fun, quondam-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-warning holiday emergency hither." — Clark

seven. "We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tapdanced with Danny-fucking-Kaye." — Clark (Yes, we broke Clark's wild-eyed bluster into multiple quotes on this list, since everyone has their own favorite role. If yous prefer to quote the entire monologue at one time, kudos.)

6. "Mom? This box is meowing." — Rusty

5. "Grace? She died 30 years agone!" — Aunt Bethany

four. "The BLESSSSSING." — Uncle Lewis

3. "If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised." — Clark

2. "Relieve the neck for me, Clark!" — Cousin Eddie

1. "Merry Christmas! Shitter was total!" — Cousin Eddie